Creative Energy: Renewable, but not Limitless

First, apologies for my absence and for missing the later half of the Rule of Three Blogfest. I had an unexpected interruption to my internet access which made finishing it pretty much impossible. I will try to post a conclusion to it this Friday. I don't want to leave the story hanging especially since I know that some of you were enjoying it. Though I confess, my heart isn't in this one and I'm still not sure how to end it.

I've really been suffering lately from a huge slump in my creativity as far as my writing goes. And I've finally made the tough decision to acknowledge what was draining my creativity away and to do something about it.

Back in June for Alex's It's All Fun and Games blogfest I mentioned that I've been playing The Lord of the Rings Online for over 2 years, after having gotten hooked on MMORPGs a couple of years before that. One of the things that I loved about LOTRO was the large community of extremely creative individuals that I became involved in on the server Landroval. Landroval was the unofficial Role Playing server and there was always a lot going on. It wasn't long before I got caught up in the world of RP and exploring the depths and corners of J.R.R. Tolkien's lore through my characters. I learned A LOT about Middle-earth during my time in LOTRO and became something of an expert on Tolkien's Elves. I even got into the habit of hosting somewhat involved RP events open to the whole server.

Performing the Music of the Ainur

And then there was the music. You see, LOTRO has this unique system that allows you to use 9 different in game instruments to play music. You can freestyle it manually through the buttons on your keyboard, or you can create special musical notation files (abc files) that allow you to play complex pieces of music in sync with other players. Over the past two years my husband and I have become experts at creating these files (which involves maneuvering the music around to make it work within the musical limitations of the game) and have run our own band doing regular concerts. And, I must say, we were awesome at it. We could take any piece of music out there (in midi form) and convert it into a fantastic sounding abc in game. I converted everything from Beethoven to the Beatles to (one of my most recent songs that I'm uber proud of) Time Warp from Rocky Horror. I converted the Nutcracker Suite and it was amazing. I converted most of Carmina Burana and used that, along with other music, to recreate the story of the creation of the world of Arda (what Middle-earth is only part of) for a special performance in game. It was the most amazing thing I've ever done.

That was in September. And it dawned on me that I was pouring so much of my creative energy into LOTRO and its lore and music that I barely had any left over for my writing.

Because, my friends, creative energy is not limitless. I think sometimes we tend to think it should be. After all, creativity is just this ephemeral thing. It's just ideas. But it's not just ideas. All those stupid people who are always asking authors where they get their ideas from are getting it wrong. EVERYONE has ideas. Every single person. People have ideas about all sorts of things all the time. But a writer, a story teller, is someone who takes an idea and makes something real out of it. We take a thought and make it into a story. We are craftsmen and artists and we have to apply massive amounts of energy to our work to make it into something concrete and lasting.

It takes a lot of work to write a story. And you have to be careful how you use your creative energy, because it can so easily be used up on things that are not as important. Like blogfests and challenges and fanfiction and role playing events and music that only exists in a virtual game world.

I've loved LOTRO and the people I've known there and the experiences I've had and the amazing things I've accomplished. I think that I've been a positive force there. I know I've given a lot of myself into that game. But I can't do both. I can't be Fionnuala the Minstrel and Sarah the Author. I don't have enough creative energy for both and I'm no longer afraid to admit that. I realized that I had to choose between them.

Farewell, Middle-earth

I will miss Fionnuala the Minstrel and I'll always be grateful for the time spent in that community. The people I met in LOTRO will probably never know how grateful I am to them for all the support and encouragement I've received over the past couple years from them. All the times when they complimented the stories I wrote about my characters and praised my music and were awed by my events. All of that is what gave me the confidence to finally, after so many years, consider taking writing seriously and make a real effort to become an author. I cannot thank them enough.


But it is time for me to focus on being Sarah the Author. There are so many stories in me. I want to tell them. I want to share them with the world. I want to finally do it. No more excuses. This is the future I want. I'm going to go make it happen.

In Which No One Loses an Eye

Today your friendly neighborhood blogfest junkie is participating in Alex J. Cavanaugh's It's All Fun and Games Blogfest.

It’s All Fun & Games Blogfest, June 6, 2011 - list your three most favorite games and why. Board games, card games, RPG, video games, physical games, drinking games - even mind games! If it’s a game you enjoy playing, it’s worth sharing.

So this post is where I reveal some of my geekiness for the world to see. 

3.  Master Detective Clue

Not regular Clue, the Master Detective edition specifically. This game is responsible for a lot of great memories from my childhood and adolescence. This version had added rooms, weapons and suspects. I always chose to play as Miss Peach because I thought she was the prettiest. The game got played so much that pieces got lost, the die had to be replaced, all the note papers for keeping track of your findings got used up front and back, and the box is now falling apart.

One session remains particularly memorable. It was a family gathering during the holidays and there were a bunch of us playing, mostly adults except for me and my younger brother. The adults were all trying to be very clever and strategic. So was I for that matter. Not my brother. My brother made a prediction at the beginning of the game. He guessed at which suspect, weapon and room would be in the envelope. I don't remember exactly which ones they were, except that the room was the gazebo. The game lasted until he got his piece to the gazebo. Then he made his guess... and he was totally, completely right. It was the weirdest thing.

2. World of Warcraft

Hello, my name is Sarah McCabe and I am a recovering WoW addict. It's been 6 months since I last subscribed and it's been 2 1/2 years since I played seriously.

But really, WoW is a great game. I'm not really much of a video game player. Sure, I did some Atari and Nintendo as a kid, but hadn't really played anything since then. Then I married a hardcore console RPG player. He got hooked on WoW and eventually I joined him. It was my first foray into the MMORPG genre of game and WOW! That stuff is addicting. The advantage of this game is that my husband and I can play together.

My main character was a Retribution Paladin which basically means I wore heavy armor and went around hitting things with a very, very big hammer. Like this:

 

Not my character, but similar.

You have NO IDEA have much fun it is to run around the world just whacking things into submission with absolutely no fear of death because your husband plays a healing priest and together you are INVINCIBLE. I had a lot of fun in WoW. It's a game with a very diverse and interesting world and the lore is actually pretty fascinating if you read up on it. But eventually I did tire of it and moved on to...

1. The Lord of the Rings Online

LOTRO is another MMORPG. And really, it was inevitable, with my fawning love of Tolkien, that I would end up there. LOTRO brings Middle-earth to life better than I ever could have imagined and it's pure delight to wander the world of Tolkien's imagining on my Elven Minstrel character. And I admit to feeling a bit of a fangirl SQUEE when encountering members of the Fellowship.

My character, Fionnuala, with Legolas and Gimli in Lothlorien.

Rivendell Valley and the Last Homely House

I love this game for many reasons. First, of course, is the world and the lore. Second, I get to BE an Elf. How awesome is that? I have always loved Tolkien's rendition of Elves, their beauty and wisdom and terrible greatness. I even *gulp* role play my Elf. Third, there's a really fun "outfit" system which basically means there's an abundance of different types of clothing and armor in the game that you can mix and match to chose your character's style. Fourth, there's a player housing system. It's not the best, but you can own and decorate your own house. Here's my character dressed up and sitting by the fire:

Fifth, there's a player music system! What does that mean? Players can use various in game instruments to play music in the game. You can play manually, by typing keyboard keys that correspond to musical notes or you can utilize special abc files that allow multiple people to play songs together. One of my favorite hobbies is converting midi songs into abc files to play in LOTRO. I've done everything from The Beatles to Beethoven. Here's an example of some in game friends and my husband and I playing one of the songs I transcribed:

School's Out Forever: Memories of Music

Today is Sommer Leigh's School's Out Forever Blogfest. Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to write about a memory that defined our high school experience. So here goes.

When I think about one thing that defined my high school experience it has to be music. My life completely centered around music those years. I had always loved to sing and had been a part of chorus every year since 4th grade. In middle school I had branched out a bit and also entered NYSSMA (New York State School Music Association) at which you sing for judges. I was good enough to go on to participate in the All County Chorus based on my performance.

In freshman year I was in the Chorus. That was the bottom rung that all freshman had to start in. We weren't allowed to audition for Chorale until sophomore year. So naturally I did and spent the next three years in Chorale. In junior year I also auditioned for Jazz Choir and made it. Jazz Choir was a smaller group and a lot of fun. I learned a lot. I continued to participate in NYSSMA as part of the Chorale and as a soloist and continued to be a part of All County Chorus.

That year I also auditioned for the school musical. We performed the musical "Annie", my suggestion, and I played the part of Pepper, "the mean orphan". Everyone was shocked and amazed at how shy and quiet me transformed into one big bully on stage. I had so much fun that year. The group of girls playing orphans (other than Annie herself) formed a great bond through it all and continued to be friends after.

Senior year was great. I was in Chorale, Jazz Choir, the musical (Hello Dolly, another suggestion by me) and also took a Music Theory class. Music Theory was really interesting and I actually composed a couple of songs. One was a silly little thing that I called "The Ballad of Pedro Convictavitch" after a character that my brother had made up once to tell our younger sister a story. (Pedro developed a life of his own as a running joke for many years.) The other was a melancholy piece that I called "Un Colpevole Innocente" which is, I believe, "A Guilty Innocent" in Italian. (My Music Theory class was right after my Italian class.)

In NYSSMA that year I performed a solo and two duets with a couple friends and made it to Area All State Chorus which was an awesome experience. The music was fiendishly difficult and after a weekend of practicing a performing I was hoarse for about a week. Hello Dolly was a lot of fun too. I could have taken a small speaking part, but instead I decided to turn it down and stay in the Chorus which was more fun. Lots of singing and dancing involved.

I wanted to go on into a musical theater program in college, but if truth be told I wasn't really good enough. No, that's not the truth. I wasn't confident enough. I didn't believe in myself enough and I didn't have the proper dedication to succeed. Alas.

I still look back on those music steeped years with fondness and longing. I've since come to realize that music wasn't my true calling. The writing that I long neglected was. Even so, my heart will always have a special place for music and for singing in particular.

If music be the food of love, play on.