The Tension of Power

It's the Power of Tension blogfest! Hosted by Rachel and Cally, this blogfest is for posting a passage of your writing that highlights tension. And because I have a sickness, I couldn't help signing up. All I can say is, 5 days to post your submission is the BEST IDEA EVER. On behalf of procrastinators everywhere, I thank our hosts from the bottom of my heart.

I thought I wouldn't have the scene I wanted to post revised until later this week, but my muse smiled on me yesterday. This scene is part of the lead up to a section of serious action around the center of the book (I think). Don't worry, you're not supposed to know what they're talking about yet. The reader isn't supposed to find out until it actually happens and then BAM! Hopefully I'll blow your minds. ;) Anyway, here it is:

    Tap. Tap.
    Setekhpenre looked up from his manuscript, his reed pen frozen in mid stroke. Not yet. Not tonight, he thought. He turned his body away from the door. The pen descended.
    Tap. Tap. Tap.
    He took a cloth and carefully wiped away a few crooked lines. He set the pen to the paper again and retraced the characters. I’m not ready. I’m not ready.
    TAP. TAP. TAP.
    The pen dropped from his shaking hand. Eyes closed, he took in several deep breaths. Setekhpenre stood, smoothed out his robes and walked to the door. He opened it.
    “I was beginning to think you would not answer me.”
    Setekhpenre fought to calm his features as he looked into the eyes of his visitor. “Kamose, you know I will always answer you.”
    “Whether or not you want to,” the visitor said.
    “Whether or not I want to.”
    Kamose walked past Setekh and motioned for him to close the door. “I would spare you if I could. Truly, my friend. But you knew this day was coming. I want you by my side.”
    “Kamose... is it necessary? There must be another way!”
    “So you have been saying for the last three seasons.” Kamose sat down at Setekh’s desk. He picked up the manuscript. “What is this?”
    Setekh swallowed. “It is a prayer.”
    “O Re God of Life, you Lord of Love, All men live when you shine,” Kamose read. “What is it you are praying for, Set?”
    “For the souls of the people who will die,” said Setekh.
    Kamose set the manuscript down and looked at Setekh. “It is necessary. And you will come with us.” Setekh gasped at the edge in his voice. “Tonight. Now. I will not wait any longer.”
    Setekh held his tongue and nodded his head in submission.
    “Let us go,” said Kamose. “The hour is near at hand.”
   

So what do you think? Is it tense enough? Is the conflict of interest between Setekh and Kamose as palpable as I want it to be? Are you intrigued? I'd love to hear your thoughts.